What wedding moment that screamed, “They are not going to last long”?

[u/IndependentTune3994]

[u/bearwithcamera]

Wedding photographer with 20 years experience here… One that stands out was when the brides parents speech included the line regarding the groom: “You weren’t who we envisioned for our daughter, but you have children together so I guess we’re stuck with you.”

[u/molten_dragon → u/bearwithcamera]

At our wedding my wife's stepdad said "I don't see this as gaining a son, I see it as losing a daughter I never really wanted."

[u/BetterMakeAnAccount → u/molten_dragon]

…Christ

[u/thisusedyet → u/molten_dragon]

I gotta ask, how does that not end with the closest person decking the stepdad?

[u/molten_dragon → u/thisusedyet]

Because he wanted to cause a scene and I refused to give him the satisfaction. And it would have upset my wife even more than she already was.

I grabbed my groomsmen and a couple of cousins and we escorted him out quietly.

[u/_thundercracker_ → u/molten_dragon]

Good man.

[u/McMew → u/molten_dragon]

That's awful. My stepdad was amazing to me, basically raised me, and was the one to walk me down the aisle at my own wedding. A whole host of issues from my blood family on both sides, yet my step-dad was my rock of sanity and kindness. 

How any step-parent can't accept their spouse's family as a package deal is beyond me. They at least know what they're signing on for. 

I hope you and your wife still had a happy night. That man deserved an ass-kicking but there's a time and a place, and your focus was rightly on your bride for that moment. 

[u/ListenJerry → u/molten_dragon]

“I am also losing a wife because of the incredible dumb-fuck thing I just said.” He should also gain a hefty amount of medical care afterward.

[u/Redneckbutterfly]

At my wedding, one of the groomsmen (who had been married almost two years) gave a super sad speech about how he was glad we had waited a while to get to know each other before we got married. My husband and I are still married, but the groomsman and his ex-wife divorced like two weeks after that speech.

Edit: clarity

[u/RoboChrist → u/Redneckbutterfly]

That took a second to click, and then... damn. That really sucks.

[u/14kanthropologist → u/Redneckbutterfly]

This reminds me of my brothers wedding. One of his very sweet groomsmen had recently gotten a divorce after a very short marriage to a truly awful woman. He began his speech like this:

“I was married once… ever so briefly…”

[u/HoosierKittyMama]

The bride refused to come out of the bathroom because she noticed the clock hands were going upward and that was a bad sign. So we all had to wait half an hour, during which time she sent for several of her friends, me included, to keep her company. She finally decided she could do this now, when we returned to our seats, half the guests were drunk and milling around, including her mom and the groom.

They lasted less than 3 months.

[u/gigglefarting → u/HoosierKittyMama]

Seems like poor planning. It’s not like it’s a mystery where the clock hands are going to be at a certain time 

[u/ofBlufftonTown → u/gigglefarting]

Someone quick-thinking should have just turned the clock over; it doesn’t sound as if she could tell time.

[u/Lucky-day00 → u/ofBlufftonTown]

Or just move the clock ahead 30 mins.

[u/spicycornchip → u/HoosierKittyMama]

Good thing she waited on those clock hands. 

[u/EssentiaLillie]

The groom’s mom kissed the groom on the lips, for like minutes, while the bride stood next to them awkwardly. And no this was not some regional tradition, it was not normal, all the guest were in shock.

[u/sarah9647 → u/EssentiaLillie]

On the lips?? For minutes?? Next to the bride and in front of the guests?? 🤢🤢

[u/Boomtown_Rat → u/sarah9647]

Would it have been better alone, in a bedroom?

^{With broken arms?}

[u/JennaTulwartz → u/Boomtown_Rat]

Not proud of how often I return to that post

[u/usps_made_me_insane → u/JennaTulwartz]

It is just so fucking shocking when you first read it. I have never gotten PTSD from a Reddit post until that moment. 

[u/DeadpoolMcDirty → u/usps_made_me_insane]

Well now im curious

[u/SashimiRick → u/DeadpoolMcDirty]

https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/nmmjr/iama_man_who_had_a_sexual_relationship_with_his/

You're going to have to open a few question branches to find the OP's post explaining how it started.

Or click here:

https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/s/37tGVkQWce

[u/EasyRecognition → u/SashimiRick]

What in the motherfucking fuck

[u/Unlikely_Ad7722 → u/EasyRecognition]

What in the motherfucking fuck, indeed.

[u/cronugs → u/EasyRecognition]

Oh, are you new here? Welcome to reddit

Edit: I checked. Wow 7 years and you've never stumbled across this one. You'll start seeing the two broken arms references now.

[u/Zeugungskraftig → u/EssentiaLillie]

Was her name Jocasta?

[u/anitasdoodles → u/EssentiaLillie]

Oof that's some weird territorial boy-mom shit

[u/Riksunraksu → u/EssentiaLillie]

There needs to be studies in mom’s like this. I keep hearing horror stories about moms and their sons like wtf

[u/glitterpie56]

It's the cake smash for me... kiss of death my friends! I'm a wedding photographer and I would say the intensity in which a bride and groom shove cake in each other faces, directly correlates to how long I think they'll last. I understand this is not the case for everyone... don't come for me if you and your spouse did this and are happily married 147 years later 🤷🏻‍♀️

[u/SerenestSkies → u/glitterpie56]

Makes perfect sense. The intensity probably is related to the level of frustration and build up resentment you have toward the partner.

[u/Wishyouamerry → u/SerenestSkies]

And also immaturity. “I think this will be funny and I have absolutely no ability to consider how you would feel about it.”

[u/FumblingFuck → u/glitterpie56]

We paid good money for this cake, and this honestly has always felt a little mean. I'm a fan of just talking a dollop of icing and putting it on their nose.

[u/papayacreamsicle → u/FumblingFuck]

I’ve only seen it done well once. Groom went to smoosh some cake on the bride and she was a step ahead of him, scarfed the entire thing out of his hand in seconds with the enthusiasm of a coked up Labrador. He was stunned then cracking up.

[u/VelkaKocka → u/papayacreamsicle]

That sounds fucking hilarious

[u/treehuggerfroglover → u/FumblingFuck]

Paid good money for the cake and likely even more money for her makeup and dress which she has to wear all night. I also think it’s cute when they get a bit of frosting on each other but I’ve never enjoyed watching two people smush and grind cake into each others faces.

Also, totally could just be me, but once I’ve seen that I suddenly don’t want the cake anymore. Obviously I know the part I’m eating wasn’t rubbed on someone’s face and left on the floor, but seeing it happen and then immediately going to have a piece of the same cake feels wrong so I almost never do. But again that’s probably just me. Seeing it smushed all over someone and dripping to the floor makes it less appetizing haha

[u/No_Interview2004]

Oh let’s see… MANY moments…

• the caterers ran out of food halfway through serving guests (turns out the groom had scaled the order down behind the bride’s back because he thought it cost too much)
• groom got super drunk
• bride’s family is Hawaiian and her mother had leis shipped from Hawai’i which included a gorgeous maile lei for the groom. At the end of the night he had lost it/thrown it in the hotel pool.
• next morning the bride shared that he was drunkenly mentioning divorce before passing out.

Took her 2 additional years but, eventually they divorced.

[u/passenger955 → u/No_Interview2004]

Wow, that's so sad about the leis.

My wife and her father have never been close. Even though he was in her life he did the bare minimum and made her feel like he didn't really want her. Her parents were only dating for a month or so when they got pregnant unexpectedly. When I came into my wife's life he was trying a little more to be a decent father, but you can't really undo 20 something years of not really caring. At our wedding he and his wife(not MiL), who now lived in Hawaii, bought leis for themselves, my MiL, my parents, and really really nice ones for my wife and myself. Even though they don't have a great relationship the leis were so beautiful. We saved them and put them in a shadow box.

Such a shame this man couldn't see the thoughtfulness of his in-laws or respect such a nice gift.

[u/Shondor_Sidebirns]

Bride slept with the best man because the groom had already passed out.

They lasted a year. Groom never found out.

[u/sumwut → u/Shondor_Sidebirns]

How did you find out and he didn't?

[u/Shondor_Sidebirns → u/sumwut]

I ran into the MoH and her husband a couple years later and they told me what had happened.

[u/MrsPottyMouth]

The bride was doing karaoke to "their" song, singing her heart out at the groom...who had his back to her, refused to turn around, and was busy getting blackout drunk with his friends. She kept singing louder, trying to get his attention I guess.

[u/Ghost_of_a_Black_Cat → u/MrsPottyMouth]

Awww. That's just so sad. Are they still together? He sounds like an absolute boor.

[u/MrsPottyMouth → u/Ghost_of_a_Black_Cat]

No the marriage was very short-lived, maybe a year. It's been a while so I can't remember all the details, but I do remember he got caught stealing from her job (she was an apartment manager, he was using the office's keys [?] to get into people's apartments) and they found the stolen goods in her/their apartment. She bailed him out and got fired and evicted. He dumped her. So she lost everything.

[u/RobinHarleysHeart → u/MrsPottyMouth]

I'm sorry.... WHAT. My jaw literally dropped at that. I cannot believe she'd bail him out like that. Like I feel bad for hed, but woah.

ETA

Let me rephrase a little. I was falling asleep and hgh when I originally wrote this.

I can't believe she bailed him out only to get dumped by him after. It's honestly heartbreaking for her.

[u/TIL_eulenspiegel]

During the speeches the groom said "And we're going to have LOTS OF BABIES!" ... and the bride's face just.. froze.

[u/FoxFireEmpress → u/TIL_eulenspiegel]

You'd think people would discuss stuff like this before the wedding?

[u/JDD88 → u/FoxFireEmpress]

I mean. I guess reasonable couples who don’t want the potential excitement of divorce do. We all gotta have hobbies. Sometimes folks choose the age old hobby of never discussing anything important before legally binding themselves to one another.

[u/Duel_Option → u/TIL_eulenspiegel]

One of my friends has been with this girl for several years; they got engaged and I was super excited for them.

He told me he was ready to grow up and start a family, they had moved in together awhile ago so all seemed like the logical next steps.

Saw his fiancé a few months later, she’s got the ring on and all smiles.

Casually talk about wedding plans and I mention babies…instant reaction was “that’s not happening, and he knows that”.

Come to find out she’s adamant about mot having kids, my wife explained later that he thinks he will change her mind.

Going on two years since the engagement…not a good sign.

[u/Dirk_diggler22 → u/Duel_Option]

had a friend who was in a similar situation he said maybe there's a compromise ..........I said "how you either have kids or don't, there's no maybe option"

[u/killthecowsface]

"It's my fourth marriage and his fifth, it took us a while to find each other but it was worth the wait!"

I was the photographer. They lasted less than 6 months.

EDIT: Since people are seeing this, I'll add the last part. She called me six months after the wedding to ask me to take her daughter's senior pictures. Then, unprompted, she launched into the story of how she followed him and caught him sneaking out of the bedroom window of some other woman's house. These people were like 60 years old....shenanigans.

[u/FancyCricket963]

As the bride and groom were leaving the ceremony, he refused to take her hand multiple times down the aisle. Oh and before that, during the first kiss as husband and wife, he said “a hug will do; my grandma is here” 😑

[u/shoecide → u/FancyCricket963]

I can see his emotional maturity didn't pass kindergarten

[u/FancyCricket963 → u/shoecide]

Making it to kindergarten is giving him credit

[u/HouseElf1 → u/FancyCricket963]

Hahahaha How does he think HE got here. Lol.

[u/FancyCricket963 → u/HouseElf1]

It was truly a disaster - so much so, I didn’t stick around for the reception. I had better things to do - like bum out on the couch and watch The Flavor of Love (dating myself and this disaster of a wedding.)

The marriage lasted less than 6 months but the divorce took 2 years (ha!) because they had been so entwined into each other financially for so long prior to that.

[u/Material_Ground_4156]

When the vows had more sarcasm than sincerity I gave it a year, max.

[u/LandMermaid418 → u/Material_Ground_4156]

I went to a wedding where all the vows were sarcastic and it made me so uncomfortable. They are indeed divorced now.

[u/sql-join-master → u/Material_Ground_4156]

I went to a wedding recently where the bride did a long pause on the I do. Fuck I would have been angry if I was the groom. I’m not a very serious person but I feel like that is 15 minutes in your life where you should be 100% serious

[u/WeIsStonedImmaculate → u/Material_Ground_4156]

My cousins vows were a rick roll. Yes…. I’m never gonna give you up…. Never gonna let you down. I was the first to say omg and start laughing. It was hilarious. They are still married at 15 years and perfect for each other.

[u/AussieArlenBales → u/WeIsStonedImmaculate]

Beyond the meme that's still a love song though. I can see myself saying those words to my wife with complete sincerity, and vows should be sincere, even if they aren't serious.

[u/junglek22]

When the groom insisted on driving himself to the wedding venue (which was about an hour away) instead of riding with family or friends. He was 2.5 hours late and blamed it on traffic. We all drove to the same destination from the same city- no traffic at all. He didn’t even leave until an hour and a half after the wedding was supposed to start!! They actually never got married so, very short wedding. Actually pretty long wedding, but no one got married.

[u/Serious_Telephone_28 → u/junglek22]

I have another story about a wedding that never took place. Minister and the groom waiting for the bride's arrival. She appears, walks all the way towards the groom, then suddenly shoves her bouquet into his face and storms off without saying a word. Confusion... Later it turned out that it WASN'T a case of cold feet: the groom promised he'd stop drinking alcohol, but as soon as the bride got closer to him at the ceremony she smelled his liquor breath and just noped out of there, having decided not to proceed with the marriage.

[u/ToppsHopps → u/Serious_Telephone_28]

Good on the bride, that takes some guts to do.

[u/Cautious-Sail-7068]

They had a “who knows their partner better?” game. They both failed every question. Even the dog's name.

[u/ThereTheDogIsBuried → u/Cautious-Sail-7068]

I went to a bachelorette party once where they were quizzing the bride about the groom, and we decided to let everyone else also play. I crushed this quiz: I got every question right and the bride got like half. I barely knew the groom at all- had met him like twice. People were looking at me like "wtf??" and in my head I was thinking "to do you know your own husband at all?" The good news is they've been married for 15+ years and are by all accounts very happy together!

[u/rojuhoju → u/ThereTheDogIsBuried]

I won this at my sister in laws bachelorette (married my brother) - I felt It was a bit unfair I played but they insisted).

[u/DigNitty → u/rojuhoju]

Love it, probably accurate and spiteful.

"What sport did Cole first play??"

-*Probably basketball because he was so bad at it.*

"That's right! Who was Cole's first girlfriend??"

-*Ugh, Milly Ballace, she was too good for him and I miss her every day.*

[u/thejexorcist → u/ThereTheDogIsBuried]

I’ve won this game at quite a few wedding showers/Bachelorette parties.

I’m a good guesser and have a weird memory for obscure personal details.

I can’t remember faces or phone numbers, but I’ll remember (or at least make a solid guess) about favorite things and milestone experiences.

Plus I’m very competitive when prizes are involved…so obviously, I’m a lot of fun/

[u/panclockstime → u/thejexorcist]

Same lol I went to my boss’s baby shower who I had only known for maybe 2 months and I won the trivia game about her and everyone was all weirded out and were like “Who is that??” lmaooo

[u/Disastrous_Ad7477 → u/Cautious-Sail-7068]

How do you fail the dog’s name. How were the other questions?

[u/False-theblackbear → u/Disastrous_Ad7477]

I think the question was “what is your partner’s family dog’s name” vs the name of their own dog but that’s still pretty bad

[u/100percentapplejuice]

Groom got shitfaced drunk and smashed a glass on the bride’s head (no bad injuries except from when he got a huge beatdown from her brother and father)

[u/ScreechUrkelle → u/100percentapplejuice]

Mazel tov!

[u/Okayostrich]

When the bride got dressed up incredibly cute with great makeup and dress and the groom could barely put on a white shirt and cargo shorts. Groom had greasy noticeably unwashed hair too- when normally he didn't. Just seemed like one person cared way more about the whole event....and that ended up being true.

[u/Antique_Ratio_5503 → u/Okayostrich]

Sounds familiar, seeing something similar as a passerby, not as a guest. The couple was married on the beach. Bride in full length gown, coiffed and made-up. Groom dressed like he'd wandered over from the fishing pier and put on a clean shirt along the way.

[u/Low-Instruction-8132]

I posted this story some place else. My wife and I were invited to a neighbors wedding. We didn't know the bride at all but we knew the groom and he's a pretty good guy. At the reception after the wedding the bride was making her way from table to table trying to visit with everyone. My wife and I were sitting with the grooms family. The bride sat down and the grooms mom introduced us to her. She was winded from dancing and partying but she was very critical of the facilities staff. She said clear enough for the grooms mom to hear " things are going to be different at my next wedding!" You could have heard a pin drop!

[u/sallyvertation → u/[deleted]]

Like when my husband refers to me as his first wife

[u/SMUHypeMachine → u/sallyvertation]

My wife gets so annoyed at me for that so I had to stop.

At least it’s better than introducing her as my “ex-girlfriend/fiancé”

[u/tolacid]

The bride sang "Before He Cheats" karaoke, pitch perfect, at the reception.

[u/shoecide → u/tolacid]

Feels like there was already something going on there...

[u/tolacid → u/shoecide]

Funny thing, from what I've heard he didn't cheat ever, and he initiated the divorce.

[u/CuriousOnePlus]

The groomsmen got into a food fight with the wedding cake, interrupting the groom feeding the bride. He beaned the groom on the head with the couples cake topper sculpture. The groom was so drunk he was barely upright, pivoting from feeding the bride to hurling cake, then doing a literal faceplant on the ground after slipping on cake and blood from his cake topper head injury bleeding profusely. The bride was mortified, her very expensive gown covered in very expensive fondant with no top for the year anniversary celebration. An ambulance took the groom and any hope of a functional marriage away. The marriage was annuled the next week. The father of the bride sued the groom for the wedding costs, getting back some of the loss.

[u/blbd → u/CuriousOnePlus]

What triggered the fiasco?!

[u/ahkond → u/blbd]

Idiocy

[u/LadyVolva]

The bride got super drunk the morning of and presumably kept drinking the whole day. She spilled nacho cheese on her dress and stumbled all the way down the aisle. That night, her and the groom were apparently staying at a fancy hotel or something like that. He left to get something, idk, but she apparently locked the door and subsequently blacked out. He wasn't able to get back in the room and was furious.

Probably been about 10 years since then. They now have 3 kids together and are in the process of a very ugly, very messy divorce.

[u/Spare_Hornet]

So the bride had prepared a dance with her bridesmaids. A really fun and sweet dance, really, not one of those cringe ones you see sometimes. While they were dancing, the groom kept burying his face in shame and mockingly joke with the groomsmen. They got divorced four months later.

[u/FuckGiblets → u/Spare_Hornet]

A close friend of mine had a super nerdy book themed wedding. Walked down the aisle to the shire theme, had excerpts from her favourite books read, all sorts of things like that. The groom is decidedly not a nerdy kind of guy. He went along with all of it and did nothing but stare at her with eyes full of adoration and love. Even if it’s not a part of him he accepts every part of her and it’s so beautiful. Of course they are still together years later.

[u/denmicent → u/FuckGiblets]

I’m nerdy, my wife is not. She’ll watch things and get into them but she’s not a nerd.

But she will absolutely listen to me drone on about history, or insert fictional universe and participate in my insane conversations without any hint of annoyance or anything

[u/Whinygeek → u/Spare_Hornet]

I hope she finds someone who’s less of a wet blanket.

[u/_Aj_ → u/Whinygeek]

People who aren't mature enough to marry don't get this.  

Your partner is NEVER embarrassing for just being themselves. If you feel that way about your partner either it's a bad match or you're too immature.  

If they're just being themselves, that's who they are and that's never embarrassing.   

Don't marry someone who makes you feel embarrassed to be you. They're the wrong person. 

[u/OldnBorin → u/_Aj_]

One time my husband and I had a huge argument about who would win in a fight- a gorilla or grizzly.

Hubby eventually started acting out the fight (pretending to be the animals) to prove his point.

It was the funniest shit ever

Edit: Husband was Team Grizzly but I had amended my Gorilla stance. The gorilla is a massive silverback that has some knowledge of what’s happening (it’s a fight to the death) and has access to weapons such as a staff. Gorilla just has to get in the Bears guard and then rip his limbs off

Edit 2: ok fine, everyone says husband is correct. But he doesn’t have Reddit so…

[u/zee_wild_runner → u/OldnBorin]

Which animal was your husband rooting for ?

[u/20sinnh → u/zee_wild_runner]

If it's anything other than the Grizzly then he was in the wrong. A large brown bear would absolutely fucking destroy a gorilla. They're twice the weight or more, much larger and stronger, have massive claws, and have skin and fat designed to absorb blows that the gorilla just can't match.

[u/Ioelet → u/20sinnh]

I can’t decide without a video of OldnBorin‘s husband acting it out…

[u/Codyman667 → u/20sinnh]

I looked it up and you're absolutely correct. I would have put my money on the gorilla for sure. I was wrong. I'll take a hippo over both though...nasty little shits.

[u/Slade_Riprock]

Groom blacked out drunk in his boxers. Bride in her panties and a t-shirt straddling the best man to end the reception. Grooms mom caught fucking the brides step dad earlier in the reception. Entire wedding party coming into the reception in states of undress and already hammered.

[u/chrispybobispy → u/Slade_Riprock]

Sounds like an entertaining wedding at least.

[u/NotAcutallyaPanda → u/chrispybobispy]

The photographer got paid 3x the normal rate to delete all the photos

[u/uncanneyvalley → u/NotAcutallyaPanda]

But absolutely did not do so

[u/Rit91 → u/uncanneyvalley]

We look at these pictures together. One time, and then we delete the evidence.

Alan: I don't think I will.

[u/Brotonio → u/Slade_Riprock]

Yeah this needs WAY more context, was there just endless upside down pineapples decorated through there or what?

[u/Desperate-Double-536]

Bride was crying during vows but not from joy, just pure what am I doing energy.

[u/Stinkinstein → u/Desperate-Double-536]

Cried while walking down the aisle as husband and wife, not from joy but from "oh shit"

Marriage lasted 8 months

[u/wunderl-ck → u/Stinkinstein]

I went to one of those; she was sobbing on the way to the altar and not in a good way. We found out later her sister was telling her you don’t have to do this before she came out :(. She told her sister, yes I do everybody is here.

They’re trapped in a nightmare divorce situation currently.

[u/djcat → u/Desperate-Double-536]

How long did the marriage last?

[u/BajaRooster]

I know a groom that cheated on his new wife sometime after the vows and before the reception. It lasted a solid three months.

[u/Ok-disaster2022]

During the wedding it was revealed the mother of the bride was sleeping with the best man and a massive fighter erupted. 

The wedding couple divorced like a year later. Oddly the parents of the bride didn't get a divorce. 

[u/derp_derpistan]

The prim and proper family called the cops on the redneck family for tailgating in the country club parking lot to avoid the cash bar.

[u/CASparty → u/derp_derpistan]

Wait, the prime and proper country club family had a cash bar at a wedding? Sounds suspect to me.

[u/hiitsmeokie → u/CASparty]

LOL that was my first thought too…if you’re gonna have a wedding at the country club and be snooty about it, not having an open bar is tacky as heck

[u/Successful-Clock-224]

The bride got drunk at the reception, went under the table, and was crying, saying how bad her new husband is at sex. She wouldn’t come out. That was only like midway through-way through that disaster of a wedding.

[u/PM_Me_Squirrel_Gifs → u/Successful-Clock-224]

lol I kinda want to hear more about this one for some reason

[u/Successful-Clock-224 → u/PM_Me_Squirrel_Gifs]

Well, the day started with temperatures in the low hundreds, so a nice august day in Arizona for a wedding. The grooms party were in wool suits because “nothing looks better than a wool suit”. The guy was a weird douche with super-fragile masculinity and thought eating chicken was “gay because it isn’t real meat”. The bride looked 12 in her mid 20’s, so off to a great start.

It was supposed to be a dry wedding, because someone in the family was cheap I think, I dont totally remember why, but anyways a lot of people were getting really drunk before and after they events.

She ended up under the table, crying, saying she didn’t want to have sex that night because he was “really bad, he could never please [her], and he liked weird games”. I was enjoying it, but the girl cousins started fighting- adults women from his and her side- and ended up in a fountain. Hair extensions, or maybe just hair was ripped out, dresses were torn, and I think they broke a cement fish looking thing in the fountain. They had a kid but divorced after. They kept it weird though.

[u/xejeezy → u/Successful-Clock-224]

Please send me an invite if you hear of either getting married again

[u/Wooden-Committee4495 → u/Successful-Clock-224]

Eating chicken is gay? I have never heard such nonsense spouted anywhere. In fact, I highly doubt then”manosphere” would endorse this since serious gym guys meme about chicken and broccoli.

Domt doubt you, just find it absolutely curious

[u/Successful-Clock-224 → u/Wooden-Committee4495]

I ordered a bbq chicken sandwich, and he said that was “gay”. To my knowledge the lgbtq+ community has little affiliation with chicken sandwiches, and Chick-fil-e is firmly against that.

[u/Spare-Possession-490 → u/Successful-Clock-224]

If you grill with propane is it an LGBBQ?

[u/Tall_Internet9135]

Prior to wedding: -Her 2nd marriage by mid 20s -Couldn't pronounce his last name properly -Cheated on him multiple times while blackout drunk, but projected those insecurities & "decisions" onto him

During wedding: -The "minister" tried to start the wedding ("We are gathered here today...") without her even walking down the isle yet -Her Dad, directly after their vows, stated "They won't make it..." -Her new FIL got blackout & stole items from groomsmen changing room

Icing on cake was that she chose a horse farm as their wedding venue...Groom is highly allergic to horses

[u/Strange-State-3817 → u/Tall_Internet9135]

The horse allergy is kind of hilarious… poor guy

[u/chicken-cuddle]

Two examples, both times I was working the wedding.

1. Groom was 17 and Bride was 15. In my state, that's legal with parental consent on the 17 year old's part, and court consent on the 15 year old's part. I had no idea until I showed up at the venue.

2. Both adults this time. Bride wants a princess wedding. No problem, she's been dreaming of this her whole life probably. The groom and most of the groomsmen show up absolutely shitfaced. The groom had to be helped down the aisle, he was so drunk. At the reception, one of the already drunk groomsmen tried to keep giving me shots because he thought my camera was awesome.

[u/Catacombs3 → u/chicken-cuddle]

A friend attended a 'wedding' where the officiant refused to marry the couple because one was so drunk he couldn't give consent. In Australia, the person performing the marriage has to believe both parties are participating of their own free will. If one can't stand up unaided and literally has to be guided down the aisle, they can't understand what they are agreeing to.

[u/friendlybutafraid]

During the vows the groom called the bride an asshole. No joke. My jaw was on the floor. They were divorced a few months later.

[u/TravisVZ]

He said the wrong name in the vows.

I know this sounds like I'm just rehashing Ross & Emily's wedding from Friends, but this legit happened at the wedding of a friend of a friend (I was friend's +1). Apparently he said the name of the maid of honor, aka the bride's (much) younger sister. I never found out if there was any kind of affair happening (I asked around a bit, but not much because I didn't know many people there), but I did hear from my friend later that they were divorced less than three months later.

[u/TeaTimeAtThree → u/TravisVZ]

My friend's husband also said the wrong name, though I don't think she's ever found out.

Morning of the wedding, communication was poor and we were calling the bride and groom to figure out where we needed to be. Bride thought my husband would be getting ready with the groom (since he's a man) and groom thought he'd be getting ready with the bride (since he was part of her wedding party). On the phone, groom kept saying the name "Jennifer" and we kept asking "Who?" After the third or fourth time, he got his soon-to-be-wife's name right. The names are nothing alike. I went on Facebook and snooped a bit—his ex's name is Jennifer. Jennifer had dumped him. Jennifer had also just recently gotten married, and had gotten engaged just a few days before my friend had gotten engaged.

They're not divorced yet, but everyone in our group expects it to happen eventually for a variety of reasons.

[u/dddmmmjjj]

After cutting the cake from a balcony above, the bride started throwing pieces of the cake at the wedding party below. I ducked into another room to avoid being hit. The aftermath was a complete mess that the Groom’s parents cleaned up so they could get the security deposit back. The marriage only lasted a few months

[u/hotdrumminbabe1 → u/dddmmmjjj]

What a weird thing to do! Not to mention inconsiderate...

[u/ecodrew → u/dddmmmjjj]

I could never respect someone who wasted good cake

[u/Special-Philosophy40]

Entered the reception to November Rain. “Nothing lasts forever, and we both know hearts can change 🎶” - done within the year 😂

[u/Due-Intention-7092]

When the groom mentioned something about the bride’s ‘stinky farts’ in his vows.

I was the bride.

[u/NessaKilgannon → u/Due-Intention-7092]

Oh boy. How did you manage getting through that?

[u/Due-Intention-7092 → u/NessaKilgannon]

I was shocked and embarrassed.

[u/tyrell_vonspliff → u/Due-Intention-7092]

You should have ripped ass

[u/flyfightwinMIL → u/tyrell_vonspliff]

Ultimate power move

[u/DrMoneybeard → u/Due-Intention-7092]

When I was MOH for my now SIL, her mom wanted to give me some funny stories I could use in my speech- and proceeded to tell me about some time she shat all over everything as a baby. I politely listened and said I’d think about it. (Of course I did not do that because I am not a psychopath)

[u/Legally_Blonde_258 → u/DrMoneybeard]

And this is exactly why I don't want speeches at my wedding.

[u/HouseElf1]

Groom called the courthouse to ask how to get a divorce or annulment three HOURS before he was even married.

[u/Thoraxe-the-Impaler → u/HouseElf1]

Why even go through with it at that point?

[u/Gonzostewie]

The bride was an hour late. They rented a concert venue that hosts national acts for the wedding and reception. They had a burlesque show at the reception. The bride made out with her MoH. They made it a month, maybe.

He's remarried and has 2 little kids and is much happier. Wife #2 is an absolute sweetheart.

[u/seeluhsay]

My parents attended a wedding of some friends around the same time as their own. The two couples had been in the same ballroom dance class to prep for their respective first dances.

The other couple--mainly the bride--got really drunk between the ceremony and the reception. By the time the reception started, she was pretty belligerent. In the middle of the first dance she got angry at her new husband for being a bad dancer and ditched him on the wedding floor. She walked over to my dad and asked him to dance instead. The groom sheepishly asked my mom if she'd dance with him...and to help count the beats.

Shockingly, the marriage didn't last.

[u/kirradoodle]

I got a wedding invitation from a female friend, and the groom was a guy I also knew. I hadn't even heard they were dating, much less engaged. It sounded shady from right then.

I went to the wedding - it was an enormous extravaganza in a huge church with a million bridesmaids and groomsmen, lavish reception, just over-the-top everything. And neither family was particularly well-off.

Come to find out, he was newly in the military and was posted to the UK. The rumour was that she just wanted to live abroad and had conned him into the marriage so she could go with him. It didn't last six months.

[u/PewpyDewpdyPantz]

The bride had a nice dress on and wasn’t saying much to anyone. The groom was wearing a cowboy hat with jeans and couldn’t stop talking about his new boat which he bought with her money.

They didn’t even make it to a year.

[u/Pewterarm16]

I had a buddy call me to tell me he was engaged. He said "She's not the prettiest, but she will do." She was sitting right next to him during the call.

[u/OffModelCartoon → u/Pewterarm16]

What the FUCK

[u/picklechipz0]

When the groom got a felony for stealing copper from his job site to help pay for the $30k wedding. Also their wedding colors were hot pink and emerald green, with silver as an accent. In 2011.

ETA: both of their parents thought them getting married was a terrible idea because, according to their reasoning at the time, they were in their early 20s and she was still in college. So they refused to pay for anything until the FOB decided at the last minute to pay for an open bar. In hindsight, I think they were so against it because they also knew they were not well suited for each other AT ALL.

[u/HouseElf1 → u/picklechipz0]

That made me lol. I wanna go just for the color scheme alone.

[u/Buckeye_Gal_For_Good]

Many years ago. The couple had a unity candle, where they each had a taper and would light one large candle to show they were now one person or something.

The candle.Would.Not.Light.

The bride looked at the priest, who told them to keep trying. The congregation was starting to laugh a little, and then the bride did, and when they finally lit the damn thing, she laughed so hard she blew it out.

Divorced a year later.

[u/LordRegal94 → u/Buckeye_Gal_For_Good]

My dad’s wedding to my stepmom involved a unity candle incident and it was probably my highlight of the entire thing for me.

Stepmom’s side is going just fine, but my dad’s side gets blown out by random wind right as he goes to take his part for the main candle. He gets it relit after some decent struggle, and it goes fine after that. My family all joked the whole day it was my (late) mom giving him one last bit of crap from the afterlife. They had a very teasing relationship so it was super on brand for her if that was a thing that could be done, and I liked having her be involved even as just a talking point for the day.

(I love my stepmom (though she’s not really a mom figure to me since I was an adult when she came into my life) and liked her by the time the wedding happened, so it wasn’t a vindictive glee thing, just was nice to have some confirmation that my mom wasn’t going to be forgotten.)

[u/hawksmarinerz]

Everyone who came to the wedding, without coordinating beforehand, wore black. Everyone.

[u/Just_Throw_Away_67]

She wanted to invite only part of the his family. Her family all got invites. Before the wedding, she invited all HIS family to a bridal shower where they got lots of presents.

After the wedding, she was complaining about a lack of gifts from his side of the family. 

They got divorced after a year and ten months of marriage. She claims she’s “unhappy.”

[u/All_Work_All_Play → u/Just_Throw_Away_67]

I mean, she probably is unhappy. She's just unaware of how responsible she is for her own unhappiness (and likely will be without significantly more pain).

[u/ursooofunnybunny]

When the groom started his vows by talking about the divorce rate and how it was even higher for firefighters… spoiler alert - he was a firefighter. Second spoiler alert - bride was me.

It lasted 2.5 years but only because I was a masochist.

[u/Just_Restaurant7149]

Looked around the reception and saw her former BF, who she cheated on with her new husband, along with two other guys she'd cheated with over the years. Guess what? She cheated on her husband within two years, or, at least that's when he caught her.

[u/RusoDuma → u/Just_Restaurant7149]

Was he invited to her next wedding?

[u/Different_Corner_135]

The bride told me at the reception that she almost chose me. I met her the same night my buddy did. Everyone was really drunk, but it was kinda awkward. They got divorced about a dozen years and three kids later.

[u/ShoddyHedgehog → u/Different_Corner_135]

Not as awkward as yours but I had a really good male friend at my first job out of college. He and I would sometimes flirt but nothing ever happened - I just didn't like him that way. His family lived in town and mine lived 6 states away so they would invite me over for minor holidays and family dinners - they were awesome. I eventually moved away and he got married two years later but we were still good friends so I went to the wedding. Much to my surprise I was seated at his family's table with his parents and siblings. During the first dance his mom leaned over and said "I always hoped it would be you up there with him" with tears in her eyes. She said it kind of loud and when I looked at her other son in alarm - he said "ditto". I didn't know what to say so I just sat there awkwardly the rest of the time. He is still happily married 25 years later. She was a much better fit for him than me.

[u/wintersdark → u/ShoddyHedgehog]

Oh, man. I kinda went through this too. My best friend got married, and everyone kept asking if I was ok, and saying shit like this.

I'm like, yes, absolutely. I was over the moon happy for her - she found someone just right for her! They're still together now, some 25-30 years later, abd she's still my best friend. I love her to bits, I'll always love her, but she's my best friend, not my lover. I've never loved her romantically. We spent so much time together, we're very close, but it was always totally platonic.

But man. It was SO FUCKING AWKWARD fielding all those questions and comments at the time. To this day my mom gets weird about it, and it's still fucking awkward now given I'm married too, we both have a pair of kids, etc. like, could you be any more disrespectful to both of our partners?

[u/iPutTheScrewNTheTuna → u/ShoddyHedgehog]

Sounds even more awkward.

[u/Ok-Explanation9626]

They were fighting at the rehearsal dinner. Barely spoke.. their marriage lasted 2 weeks and my husband had to go pick up his friend on a bench by the river cause they went to talk.. she got mad and left him there ..🤦🏻‍♀️

[u/MartinelliGold]

Groom showed up drunk and late, riding in on an electric scooter.

[u/pastalavistababy2 → u/MartinelliGold]

Lmao this one made me laugh at the image…”wazzzuppp bitchessss lez get marrriedddd or whatever”

[u/PineapplePupcake]

When it was her turn to say I do, she giggled, turned to the guests and said, ‘is it too late to say no?’, and he closed his eyes, sighed the biggest sigh, and said her name in the most exasperated voice.

Separated after 1 year, divorce is being finalized this year

[u/AmborellaVIctoria]

When the ceremony almost didn't happen because there was a TV in the limo and the groom wanted to keep watching The Game.

[u/LiterateNoob]

Cousin's wedding. Big, expensive ceremony and reception at a fancy country club on Long Island because they wanted a "Great Gatsby" themed wedding. I don't know why they felt that story leant itself to a celebration of love, all I know is that I got yelled at every time I pointed out that this seemed like a bad omen. Turns out, it was just an excuse to create an ostentatious event, which, in my experience, doesn't bode well for the longevity of a marriage. So, it's not looking good from the jump.

Cut to their vows, which they wrote themselves. My cousin gets up and starts talking about how the groom seems to like her dumb jokes and how much they both love pumpkin spice, so naturally they should get married.

I turn to my wife and say, "Fuck, I give 'em six months if that's all she's got." Get a smack on the shoulder.

Then the groom's turn comes. He starts talking about how often they make each other laugh and how much they both like pumpkin spice. Despite writing their vows in isolation...they both came to the same conclusion that bad jokes and pumpkin spice were all they had.

I said, "Nevermind. Three months."

They were divorced two months later. Turns out they'd never discussed how they'd handle money. Or whether they wanted kids. Or literally anything substantive over the course of their several-year relationship. And they came down on opposite sides of every single issue.

A mutual fondness for pumpkin spice isn't enough, it turns out.

[u/kbsunshine13]

Wedding postponed due to issues between groom and bride’s family. Groom orchestrated a secret wedding ceremony on same date with only his friends and bride. All of bride’s family and friends were excluded despite sisters being her bridesmaids.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

[u/Aromatic_Kangaroo813]

The groom got a surprise mariachi band and danced alone on stage with them basking in the spotlight with zero signs he thought his new wife should be on stage with him. My husband bet me $5 at the wedding they would get a divorce. I lost the bet.

[u/Kerrah2323]

Dammmn. As a wedding photographer, I've seen so many.

Few that immediately stand out (different weddings below)

1. Groom had been on a 24 hour cocaine party and was gurning his way through the ceremony, so much so that I had to wait until his mouth was closed as my indicator to take a picture.
2. Bride was proper hammered after the wedding and was dirty dancing with everyone, and I mean everyone. In particular the saxophonist. They both disappeared for about 40 minutes and then returned to a very angry husband. I left before the aftermath.
3. One of the bridesmaids, a plus one, not even family, turned up in a white dress. Bride was fuming and the bridesmaids were digging at her all day. White dress woman got pissed and about 9pm had enough, went up to the bride on the dancefloor and confronted her. Bride immediately punched her in the face. Husband left early.

Honestly, I reckon I have 50 more. Weddings are mental.

[u/Rekltpzyxm]

The reception is at a country club. The cake cutting is pop side. He puts the cater piece in her mouth. She wipes his face with a piece of cake. He pushes her in the pool, in the deep end. Her brother has to jump in to get her out of the pool. The happy couple are now screaming at each other. The families are screaming at each other. Some guests took their presents home with them.

[u/14dmoney → u/Rekltpzyxm]

I totally would take my gift home with me. Thrifty like that.

[u/LaDauphineVerte → u/Rekltpzyxm]

OMG the violence. Some of these comments are truly astounding. I don’t get why people who seem to hate each other get married.

[u/forkliftheaven]

Right before the ceremony she pitched an open marriage to him, so he had messy group sex with three bridesmaids and one of the groomsmen that night.

Tasmania is a weird place.

[u/Strange-State-3817 → u/forkliftheaven]

Tasmania always catching strays on Reddit 😂😂😂

[u/Only-Bag1747]

I was at a wedding about ten or fifteen years ago where the bride’s sister was the maid of honor. When it was time for the speeches, the sister took the microphone, and started talking about the first time she met the groom. At first, there was nothing unusual about the story; she threw in a couple of the usual good-natured jabs that always get thrown into wedding speeches. From there though, it went downhill really fast. She went on roasting the groom for about ten minutes, but not in a good-natured way — it was a lot more mean-spirited than any wedding speech I’ve ever heard. By the time she was finished, it was very apparent to everyone there that she absolutely hated the groom, didn’t support the marriage, didn’t want to be there, and wished her sister was marrying pretty much anyone but the groom.

The couple is still married. When my wife and I occasionally see them, I’m always tempted to ask the bride how her sister is doing, just to see both of their reactions.

[u/Its_Curse → u/Only-Bag1747]

I was at one where the best man stood up, gave a super normal speech about the groom, college antics, what a good guy he was. At the very end he turned to the bride and said "Well bride, I wish I could say a few nice things about you but I haven't met you or seen groom in the two years since you started dating. Congrats, I guess." And then sat down. 

They're still together a year later, but oof. 

[u/raider1v11]

The parents of the groom are loudly proclaiming they shouldn't get married.

[u/MidwestTroy92]

Watched a groom spend the whole reception getting hammered with his buddies and the bride was just kinda sitting there alone at the table like a third wheel. Told you everything you needed to know.

[u/_k9enthusiast]

The grooms entire family didn’t show up for the wedding or reception. Apperently there was a big blow up the day before and despite RSVPing, 50+ people on his side didn’t show. I remember a lot of empty tables and almost no one on the dance floor. They barely made it to their one year and are divorced now

[u/Nommernose]

He showed up covered in scratches and bruises and she had a bite mark on her forehead. They were both hungover and not really on speaking terms lol

[u/Acheloma → u/Nommernose]

How do you even bite someone's forehead??

[u/Speakertweaker]

The groom set himself on fire lighting little luminaries. I was the groom.

*Edit: I didn’t catch the typo. I meant luminarias. Even now my phone is trying to correct it to luminaries. They’re little paper bags with a little sand in the bottom and a votive candle.

[u/Great_Caterpillar_43]

The groom showed up drunk or high (I was young so all I could really tell was he was on something) and his pants kept almost falling down (not related to how long they'd last but definitely memorable for a kid who spent the whole ceremony wondering if we'd see his underwear). He barely looked at his bride, mumbled through his vows, and barely hung out with her at the reception. Even I knew that relationship was headed to the dumpster.

I also had two high school friends get married. The groom got drunk at the reception and passed out. The bride and I and another friend somehow got him to my car. I drove him and the bride to their hotel and we struggled to get him up the stairs and into bed. But we all knew that one wouldn't last far before the wedding. They had a few kids and eventually split up.

[u/Alyssonsbirthday]

I know this may only be applicable in my bubble or whatever but my friends and I concluded that every destination wedding we went to did not last long as a marriage.

[u/lolhahahanope]

In their vows the bride said, “and remember, everything that’s yours is mine and everything that’s mine is mine.” It was quite the foreshadowing. 

[u/IPostNow2]

During pre Cana classes (Catholic marriage prep) they asked everyone ten main topic questions several times. Each time they were worded differently to make sure that each couple had discussed these topics thoroughly and were on the same page.

For example, one of the topics was on having children. These are some of the questions I remember. Do you want to have children? If so, how many children? Who will be the main care giver? Will you both equally share parenting duties? Will both parents work full time? Will you have one stay at home parent? If both parents work full time, will your child be in a day care facility or will a family member or other caregiver care for your child inside your home, etc?

We started out will maybe 30 couples, but as time went on we lost quite a few. It was pretty obvious what couples hadn’t discussed anything or just glossed over stuff. We watched several couples get into big arguments and a few of them actually walked out during the classes. The others just didn’t return the following week. One couple almost threw down arguing over spanking their future kids.

[u/Catacombs3 → u/IPostNow2]

Better to have these arguments before you commit to marriage.

[u/demotivation_speaker]

He told her in front of the wedding party that he didn’t like her dress. They separated less than a year later.

[u/BrittneyofHyrule]

I've told this story before but it begs to be told again bc the couple didn't even make it past the ceremony.

Old money on both sides of the altar, however the venue was a random church in the middle of absolutely nowhere. For some reason the space was set up to have a reception first, with tables surrounding the aisle. The main course, bafflingly, was soup.

The bride is absolutely gorgeous. Designer ball gown, iridescent veil.... meanwhile the groom could only be described as a ginger pimp. Yes, hat and all.

It's when they get to the exchanging of rings that it went completely off the rails. The bride was looking an interesting mixture of angry and nervous, like she was wondering WTF she was doing. Then a close friend of the bride showed up and got into a massive fight (verbal then physical) with the groom.

Most guests took this as their cue to GTFO, which is a shame bc it was explosive. The friend tried to actually give a love confession at some point, the groom yelling over him. The bride apparently had enough, ditching them both in what was supposed to be the getaway car.

[u/Objective-Poet-5949]

During the speeches at the reception, the father of the groom got up and gave a speech that started with him saying

'When Bob told me he'd met Mary I thought, oh that's a good thing because that means he's not that way'

The groom thought it was hilarious and laughed his ass off (so did I tbh until I realised he was serious) the bride was staring absolute daggers at her now father in law and husband.

Lo and behold it only lasted a few years before ending in tears for all involved.

[u/ItsKingDx3 → u/Objective-Poet-5949]

Did it turn out he actually was that way?

[u/Objective-Poet-5949 → u/ItsKingDx3]

Fortunately for his second wife, he wasnt.

[u/Alarming-Ad9441]

Ok story time! During the wedding planning, the bride to be insisted on no children, including the 2 the groom already had. No amount of talking, attempt at compromise or reason got her to budge. Turned out, all the small children in her side of the family were allowed, just not his. She also insisted on an outdoor ceremony, in late October, in the mountains of upstate PA. It snowed a few days before so it was freezing, but also had warmed up enough that everything was a muddy mess.

All of the wedding guests had to rent cabins near the wedding “venue” because it was hours away from where everyone lived. The bride’s parents were looooong divorced but couldn’t stand being anywhere near each other and her stepmother thought the whole weekend was all about her. The wedding party gathered at the mother of the groom’s cabin the night before because it was the largest. The bride’s father and stepmother got piss drunk, trashed the whole cabin and laughed about the mother and grandmother of the groom cleaning up, while the bride’s mother spewed a ton of hatred and passive aggressive death threats throughout the night.

At the reception, the bride’s father was wasted again, shocker, and proceeded to scream and yell at the 13 year old brother of the groom for skipping the shot in the dollar dance. The groom’s mother had to be held back from knocking his teeth down his throat for all of his drunken antics after having the nerve to threaten her younger son. The bride got mad and wanted to leave early because she was offended that she wasn’t getting enough respect from the groom’s family. Never mind the fact that he barely had any family there at all and they were all doing their best to avoid the raging terror that was her pathetically drunk father, bridal gown wearing stepmother, and bi-polar rampaging mother.

The marriage lasted 8 months. I was the mother of the groom. Every bit of this story is the God’s honest truth. I tried to warn my son about what he was getting himself into but he wouldn’t listen. I had to grin and bear it the best I could. I’m just lucky I didn’t leave there with a felony charge for knocking out that SOB for attacking my younger son. The whole family was a nightmare and thankfully my granddaughters didn’t have to put up with it for long.

[u/Just-a-book-addict → u/Alarming-Ad9441]

This makes me sad for your granddaughters, knowing that their dad chose this crazy woman over them...

[u/Due-Revolution4319]

The groom trying to kiss me in the farewell line on his way out. We had history.

[u/happy_BWCman]

Watched the bride grinding on another guy after she got drunk

[u/One_Dog_4513]

My ex wife shoved the wedding cake in my face when I told her a hundred times before the wedding I don't want her to do that.

[u/femsci-nerd]

Any time one or the others smashes cake in their new spouse's face. Usually. Not always. If both laugh then there's a chance of staying together.

[u/insomniacred66 → u/femsci-nerd]

My husband's neice got married recently and her groom smashed the cake in her face after she gave him his piece. I gasped when it happened. You could see she was visibly upset and left immediately to go clean up. She even said she didn't want that him to do that but he did it anyways. I'm not giving them very long, either. She's 19 and he's 20.